I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
