Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
