Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
