he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
