There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize