Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
