Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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