You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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