Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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