You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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