walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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