I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
