glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
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i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
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You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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