i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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