Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
