We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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