I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
