I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
