Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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