We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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