Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
