ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
