all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
