Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
