Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
