How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
