This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
last night I used snow as a chaser
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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