if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
