my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
