I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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