around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize