no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
