i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
