Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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