What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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