i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
