Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
