Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
