Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
