I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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