About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
