Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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