my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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