He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
