I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
