Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
