Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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