4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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