As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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