I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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