Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize