i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
