umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
