we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
