Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
