You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
