you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
