Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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