I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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