Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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