No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
