Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
