I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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