bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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