the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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