I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
