Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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