I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
