saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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