dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You've changed since you got that strap on
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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