You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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