DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
