I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
