I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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