She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
