my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
