it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
