Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
