They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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