The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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