Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
