wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
These tits shall not be calmed
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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