So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
